The Reason Behind My Anger

I don't think I will ever understand. I don't think I will ever stop getting angry when i click on these things even though I KNOW BETTER!!!!

See here is the thing. I never used to be how I am now. Crazy, weird, hippie, rebel, against the grain. I used to be like everyone else. I went to my OB's office. I got induced when they said I needed too. I didn't ask questions, I didn't ask more then what they told me. That made me excited that I got to meet my son early! I had my ultra sounds, I got my epidural and pitocin and the cocktail of drugs that made my baby be born sleepy and poor at nursing. AND TO THINK I WAS OK WITH ALL THAT!

The next day after having my son the doctor came into our room and asked if we were going to circumcise. I looked at my hubby and said "I don't know...?" and he said yea and there you have it we signed the papers. I didn't know better and there I was saying I wasn't sure and my intuition was halting me to think but put on the spot I let my husband decide. They said they would have it done the next day before we went home.

We woke up in the night to the nurse saying that Koebe was hungry and needed to eat. I saw a pacifier in his cradle and asked why it was open when i said we are NOT going to use one of those....

"Well the doctor went ahead and did his circ in the middle of the night because they were slow. They like to give them to the babies when they are in pain" Something about that didnt feel right but there you have it. They took my son in the middle of the night and cut off his foreskin when he should have been sleeping peacefully with his mother being protected. I DIDNT PROTECT AND I WAS SO IGNORANT AND DIDNT KNOW ANY BETTER! I LISTENED TO THE DOCTORS AND I BELIEVED EVERYTHING THEY SAID.......

Did you watch that video? Did you even start it? I bet you couldn't watch long. And if you circd you probably didnt even have the balls to look. But you should because this is what you put your son through. This is what i put my first son through. ITS HEART WRENCHING...... SO THEN WHY THE HECK CAN YOU CONSENT TO THIS? I totally get people who don't know better. They think it's what you're supposed to do; that it has to be done. ****BUT PEOPLE WHO KNOW BETTER AND STILL DONT DO BETTER?!***** SHAME ON YOU! YOU KNOW ALL ABOUT THE RISKS AND INFO AND DID IT.... FOR WHY? Not because its cleaner, it is not. Not because it looks better, because let's face it that is a joke.
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Why on earth would anyone want to inflict pain on their infant. I don't care if they cant remember having it done 10 years later. Your child still had to feel the worst pain of their life at only one day old. My son is "just fine" but guess what...He could still be perfect. (well i think he is perfect but NO his body is no longer intact) His right to his own body was taken from him. You know what? We are one of the lucky ones. Lots of boys are not so lucky. Lots of little boys get botched circumcisions. They have issues like adhesions where their mother has to rip the skin down that tries to re-grow. There are other issues like skin bridges, erectile dysfunction later in life and even outcomes as bad as staph infections and death. out of five friends that I can think of off the top of my head that circd, All but one have adhesion issues, one sons is completely botched (the one that doesn't have adhesion issues, lucky him!) one screamed and was inconsolable for days, and one had to be done twice. Get a grip people this is genital mutilation. I will personally see in my life time that this becomes illegal! Out of all my informed friends who left their sons intact do you want to know how many have issues? NONE!

 

I was wrong and you were too if you consented to this barbaric procedure. Its time people start admitting it. I understand that having this attitude may not change minds but my goodness living with the regret is awful. Having these triggers is awful and watching people go ahead and ignore the fact that their childs has rights is down right infuriating! That is ABUSE. CHILD/SEXUAL/PHYSICAL ABUSE. This is not a choice to be made by the parent but a choice to be made by the owner of the body: THE HUMAN BEING.

 

On the bright happy side. I have recieved message after message from mothers and friends that have thanked me for speaking out. Thanked be because now they are aware of what circ really is and they will leave their sons intact. I have friends who had girls and say they are so glad because before they knew me they probably would have cut. I have friends who didnt listen to me and went ahead and did it again then came back to say they wished they would have listened. Those people are the reason that i am able to fight this fight. The fight protecting those who have rights and cannot speak. I cant save them all but i will never give up. If i have in some way helped you come to the choice to leave your son intact i would love to know.

 

I apologize for the anger and heat behind this post but this has got to stop. The cycle of abuse ends with me.

I was lucky enough to give birth to a second son. Born peacefully on his own time at 42 wks. He was born at home in the water. He was left intact. At 8 months old he is still breastfed and will also wean on his own time

 

When I know better, I do better. My wish is that others do the same.

My homebirth slideshow

The Homebirth of Cypress

WhAm BAM Thank You Ma'am!

AKA The Birth Of Cypress Dale Danger Farrel

PREGNANCY

So the story begins on June 5^th, 2011. I went out to my mom’s house to go boating and hang out and enjoy the lake. Of course she had other plans for me. The boat house needed cleaning and the lake lot needed picked up. I think Koebe had gone down for nap because he surely had to be with me. Or was it a weekend? Meh minor details. So I was pulling weeds and the heat was really bothering me. So I thought that was a little “off”. I remember when I was pregnant with Koebe walking from the beach in Grand Cayman that I thought I would pass out from the heat. Both pregnancies this happened and I didn’t know that I was pregnant yet. I told my mom that I had enough and I think got pissed at her that I wasn’t boating and went home. When I got home I remembered the heat bothering me and figured I would POAS since we had been trying to get pregnant for nearly 6 months at this point. It was right around Thanksgiving time that Scott finally caved to my NEEDING another babe ;)

I couldn’t believe it ! There was finally another line on that test! It was a weird docs office style test so I wasn’t 100% sure but got on line and double checked how to read the test and sure enough WE’RE PREGNANT!

Pregnancy was great and uneventful. Spent a week in Florida with my mom and grandma (that was hell) but got to lay on the beach and bake some and enjoy my last chance vacation before I had a new nursling. Did much better this pregnancy with diet and weight gain and all around healthier. I even worked out regularly for a few weeks there…. Still had to cave to a entire bag of Milano cookies here and there and of course chocolate ice cream. I also had half of a beer at the bar when I went out with my girl friends **GASP**! Towards the end I was eating fewer sweets and then NEEDED an occasional filet o’ fish from the nastiest fast-food joint around. Over all I did much better. I was proud of myself for not gaining 75lbs again like I did with Koebe ;) I set my goals within reach…I am not even sure what I gained this time cause I forgot to weigh myself before I gave birth. I also forgot to get a final belly picture but now none of that matters.

Crocheting wool longies.

My due date came and went. I was sure that it wouldn’t be much longer. I was pretty uncomfortable. Getting out of bed was a joke, and so was doing anything that involved getting up from any position sitting or standing. I went and got pedicures weekly with grandma because I needed pampered! I was getting to be “over it all”. i crocheted 4 pairs of pants and each time i started a new project i thought surely i wont get these finished in time. ....I went to the chiropractor, got a massage, did some acupressure then at 41 wks acupuncture. I EVEN HAD SEX FOR CRIPES SAKE! TWICE!  The full moon came and went and THEN!

THE BIRTH

On February 9^th, 2012 at 6:00 am I woke up to my normal “wake up” contraction. Seemed like the past few days to a week I would wake up and have a lower “cramp” for a few minutes that would go away. That was about the extent of the painful ones. I had lots of Braxton hicks but not many painful or regular. I think the most ACTION I got was strong Braxton hicks every 10-15 mins for a 2 hour period. I didn’t think too much of this one this morning. I went and laid back down next to Koebe and I had another and it was painful to where I just couldn’t lay there with him I had to move a little. I went down to talk to scott as he got ready to leave for work. I was expressing my deep frustration that I was still pregnant and had to go through ANOTHER day of toddler wrestling all by myself. He asked if I wanted him to stay home and I said no cause I wanted him to save his PTO. Then I had another and he asked again before leaving. I said no “go” because if you stay ill jinx everything and they will stop. Well I had another two painful contractions and called him and said to come back. I didn’t care if I jinxed myself I wasn’t going to man handle a 2 year old feeling like that all day. I got in the shower and scott got back home and went back to bed with Koebe and I then got in my birth tub. I had a feeling that this was it and texted my aunt and gave her a heads up and texted brandy to tell her I THINK im in labor. I was scared to tell anyone else unitl I was 100% certain. Koebe woke up and it was good to hear his voice when he walked in and said “HI MOMMY!” Then the contraction came and I needed him away. Scott changed him next to me in the tub and it was fine until a contraction came. Then I was bothered by the smell and Koebe fighting the diaper change and then got poop on the carpet… GO FIGGURE! Scott had to then get out the carpet cleaner and clean that which also stunk and Koebe was trying to put toys in the tub with me…  I needed them out of there! HOW DO PEOPLE BIRTH WITH CHILDREN AT HOME?! I give guggie props on this one. Totally not my thing. So at this point I knew I needed to eat something so scott put me in some meat loaf as I requested and I ate PB crackers to tide me over (I never made it to the meat loaf) . I called brandy to talk between my 6-7 gap contractions and she seemed like she was rearing to come hang out so I said come on over. Might as well hang out a while. And plus she was going to bring me and scott starbucks. I needed my choc milk fix ;) The contractions kept coming so I called cossette and described things and asked if It could be the real thing. She said to ride it out and see. She asked if I had bloody show and I said no and then started to doubt if this was real labor. I knew it was but still doubted myself. I let my doula know and the others that were coming to my birth that I was in early labor. This was around 8 or so. It was still super early so everyone went on with their day as usual until things picked up. Brandy got to the house about 9-9:30. Shortly after my aunt Kathy came to get Koebe and I remember thinking that her and Koebe couldn’t get out of there fast enough. She was talking while I was contracting and that was HELL. They finally left and I told brandy THANK GAWD!  We were sitting in the living room and I told brandy I was struggling mentally and she said how? I told her I was scared and she gave me a serious look and said “YOU BETTER GET THAT RIGHT OUT OF YOUR HEAD!” (yes ma’am!)

Water broke!

 I had been sitting on the couch in a towel and thought  id go up and get a little decent and then come down and sit on my birth ball that brandy brought in for me to use.  I made it to the upstairs toilet and had to sit. Had a contraction or two that were pretty strong. I remember thinking I wish scott and brandy would shush up their talking. It was making contractions harder. Then I felt my water break. Brandy was awesome and made sure to take note of the time. At 10:15 I believe. She also came up took some video footage of me laboring on the toilet (haha) HOW CONVIENIENT TO BE ON THE TOILET !! I remember thinking ok so this is definitely real labor and there is no turning back now. Then I thought SHIT! I didn’t want my water to break because I was group B positive and if it broke early then id opt in for the antibiotics. If it broke at the end I wouldn’t. Then I looked and saw that it was crystal clear and had vernix in it.  I took a picture of the toilet water with my amniotic fluid in it… typical birth junkie ;). I texted my doula andrea what happened. My very next contraction got intense. Right after It I texted andrea (doula/ Photographer) and Andrea #2 who was coming to aid andrea #1 in getting my birth on photo record. I let them know it was time to come.The next contractions I remember it aching my back BAD. I put my fists behind my back and rocked back on the toilet to massage my back. Then scott and brandy came up and I had to move. I went to the bedroom and got on all fours leaning on the edge of the bed and had scott apply counter pressure. I knew not to do one  thing to long and to try different techniques and positions to see what works best. Scott got me through one and a half contractions then I wanted him off my back. Then I had him rub my neck and shoulders and that got me through a couple. I was shaking and I didn’t know it but I was at this point in or very close to transition. Brandy didn’t know either. I was so calm and I wasn’t loud or saying crazy things. I never demanded pain meds or said I needed an epidural like a lot of homebirthers do. I was quiet and internal with my thoughts of how crazy I thought I was for doing this. I was scared. I thought its this bad now how much worse will it get?! I had to get down to the tub.

Scott massaging my arms to distract me from contraction.

 Once I got in the tub my contractions kept getting more intense. I thought OH MY GOD will I live? I didn’t tell them that because I knew what brandy would say. HA! My mental game was weak from the beginning. Before brandy even got there this morning I was telling scott “im scared. Im scared…. “It was nice to have brandy and scott there to remind me that I was strong and made to do this. I kept saying positive things in my head even though I wasn’t convincing myself well. Once in the tub scott turned on my CHANTING CHAKRAS cd that I borrowed from willowsong. I asked him to turn it down immediately and he did as told. I liked the faint background noise. GREAT JOB SCOTT! He was thinking about things he knew I wanted but I was forgetting. I can’t get over how supportive he and brandy were and how well they worked together.

Feeling for babies head

A few minutes after I got in my tub I heard the door open and in came Kari (midwife) carrying all her gear. I was relieved to see her. A short time after that Cossette (midwife) also arrived. Kari and Cossette got all their stuff set up. Kari got out the Doppler to listen to baby and baby was fine. She then said she wanted to listen to him during a contraction and put it on my belly and I remember wanting her to get that thing OFF OF ME!!! My contractions were getting very tough and she was putting pressure on me! ( I actually think she was just holding it there but it felt like it was jabbing into me) They asked me a few little things and then left me alone for a few minutes and then I had a contraction and felt grunty and pushy. I grunted with a contracting and it scared me cause *I* was not doing the grunting… my body was! I think out of everything that happened this is what shocked me the most. How I could make noises and my body “push” when I didn’t tell it to. My body KNEW what to do. I just had to sit there and let it happen. It’s the weirdest sensation to have your body do something that dramatic and have it happen invoulentary. The last few contractions I had my body grunted and pushed. I remember it feeling good to push and that I couldn’t believe it was all happening so fast. I was scared to reach down and feel baby for fear that my woman parts would feel so messed up. I felt anyways. I would feel babies head moving out and back in. Feeling the baby come out and feeling the progress I think helped mentally. At this point heather walked in and said some reassuring words and I think andrea my doula came about this time too? Im not 100% sure on it all I was in baby birthing lala land. I just remember Heather kneeling down holding my hand and telling me I was strong. I also remember apologizing to both andreas whenever they got there because I felt bad that they missed it.

After a few INVOULUNTARY pushed I birthed babies head. After the head was out my contractions stopped and I didn’t feel pushy any more. I was thinking YAY! A break! Some time during this I wanted scott in the tub with me.I wanted him close. I was kinda laying back in my tub at this point waiting for the next pushy urge and it never came. I remember feeling like babies head was floating up and it put pressure on me and I didn’t like the feeling… I hear cossette call out THREE MINUTES. At this point Kari told me I need to stand up and push out this baby. Baby had been sitting with its head out of me for 3 minutes and if it went on much longer it would be a risk to the baby. This is the one time that I had to make my body push. I bared down and pushed and it felt like it was a lost cause. It didn’t feel like I was even pushing. It was like my mind said push but my body didn’t budge. Maybe it was because it was very different from the invouluntary pushes my body did. They were very productive pushed again is was not. I finally pushed again and baby came out with the assistance of my midwife kari. Scott did not get to catch baby because of the urgency of the situation.

POST PARTUM

Once baby came out they had a board they were holding up behind me they set him on. He needed assistance breathing bc his head was out so long before I delivered the rest of the body. I remember having to stand there bend over with baby still attached to cord while they gave him some O2 behind me. I couldn’t see anything and I was wishing that they were doing this infront of me. I remember baby being purple-ish but I remember not being scared at all because I knew my midwives were fully capable of doing their job and I knew that everything would be fine. In all honesty I didn’t know they were resuscitating him. I tried looking behind me to see the sex and I couldn’t so I asked scott what it was. “IT’S A BOY!” he said a little choked up. NO FREAKING WAY!

Once baby was breathing well on his own, only took a minute or so we got him in front of me so I could hold him. Scott, I and baby boy sat down in the water and met for the first time. “I CANT BELIEVE I HAVE A PERFECT INTACT LITTLE BOY!” and of course I had to check out his perfect healthy little penis. Everyone laughed that these were the only things I had to say J The whole pregnancy I wanted a boy so bad. I wanted a boy so that I could make the right choice and leave him intact. Ive delt with strong regret in circumcising Koebe. Ive cried and cried and regretted deeply that I let that be done to him. I felt that being able to leave my next son intact would help me heal. Im not sure if it did or not. I think in a way it did. I was so happy that a boy was born into this world who wouldn’t have to endure pain just because he was born a male. Scott and I were thrilled to have another boy. We sat in the tub holding and bonding. We sat there until his cord stopped pulsing. Then, because his cord was so short, we cut his cord so I could hold him on my chest. He had already gotten all of his blood out of the cord. He was pink and beautiful. Even his bruised forehead J

After a few minutes I handed scott our son. I needed to birth the placenta. I gave a very gental tug on the cord to see if it was detached and a few minutes later I pushed it out. It fell into the birth tub and I picked it up really quick cause I didn’t want it in the water LOL! It was nice to finally be done. Scott and I sat with baby in the warm tub while Everyone looked over my placenta. It was big and healthy and scott and I looked over the edge of the tub to view it. I doubt you would see 9 people oogling over a placenta in the hospital ;)

My beautiful heart shaped placenta.

I was ready to get out of the tub and go up and get a shower in. Laura came up and ran the water for me. She sat there and made sure everything was fine. Andrea also came up to make sure I had everything I needed and Heather brought me up coconut water and asked me what I wanted for my for my meal. I told her where everything was and she went down and started making sweet corn chowder. I sat in the shower a while because I was so comfortable and content and it felt so good to have the hot water running over me. After about 10-15 minutes Kari came up and said I needed to go down and nurse my baby BOY. (he had been down skin to skin with scott while I showered) Laura helped me get out, get dried off and get my sexy mesh panties on while heather found the clothes that I requested to wear.

It was so special to walk down the stairs to see scott and Baby sitting on the couch all snuggled under a blanket, and a spot next to them all prepared for me to spend the rest of the day. I sat down and I was so thankful for all the people who came to help me. All I had to do was birth my baby. After that everyone took care of me. I was helped to bathe, lunch was made for me, brandy and Andrea O took pictures, heather and andrea kept making sure I was drinking water and had everything I needed, my laundry was done and kitchen was cleaned. I wanted panera and Heather ran and got that for all of us.

baby was checked out, weighed and measured. He was 8 pounds 14 oz. 21 inches long and guessed to be born at about 39 wks. He had a little bit of a heart murmur but Cossette said that would close up withen 24 hrs and it was nothing to worry about. If he turned blue-ish or had trouble breathing then I should take him in right away. We were told to check his temperature every so often to make sure that was good, just like they do in the hospital. Kari sat down and filled out the paper work on my birth and everything kinda died down. Cypress had his very first adjustment from his chiropractor just a couple hours after birth. Little by little everyone started to leave. Cossette was the last to leave and Brandy stayed and hung out for a little while after. Scott and Brandy were the two of the most supportive people in my birth. They were both there from the beginning and helped me out so much. Of course everyone helped a ton and im thankful for every single one of them. I wish I was able to get my doula here sooner and my chiropractor was going to adjust me in labor but none of us expected my labor to only be a few hours long! It was only like 3 hrs of active labor and 9 minutes of pushing. CANT GO WRONG THERE J I have had a medicated epidural hospital birth and a unmedicated all natural homebirth. WHICH WAS EASIER? ALL NATURAL HOMEBIRTH ALL THE WAY. I have experienced both sides and i say hands down being in the comfort of my own home, with my hubby and friends, support and love. Now that i have seen and experienced both ways i can honestly say i would be very fearful to be in a hospital again. I <3 HOMEBIRTH! nothing shy of amazing!

CYPRESS DALE DANGER FARREL WELCOME TO THE WORLD!

I HAVE HUGE THANKS AND APPRECIATION FOR: Scott, Brandy, Kari, Cossette, Laura, Heather, Andrea S, and Andrea O. Every single one of these people was a HUGE help and made everything about this day PERFECT. I couldn’t ask for a better birth. It was nothing shy of perfect.

COMING SOON…. My Baby moon story. Where all the drama went down. To give you a little taste we will be talking about a NICU stay that was 100% unnecessary and DHS visits…. My birth was way too easy and uneventful to end there. It was way too simple. Life had to throw a curve ball. ;)

When will people take their heads out of the sand?

50 REASONS WHY CIRCUMCISION IS **WRONG**

So, here are 50 reasons to leave your son's penis alone and not let a doctor cut it up.
VIA http://www.thewholenetwork.org/

1.) It's his.

2.) I've never met a man who wanted "less" penis when he was old enough to care. Men tend to like their penises just the way they are.

3.) You can change your mind. It's not possible to "un-circumcise", although there are men who have chosen to restore their foreskin later in life. If you're not sure, don't decide at all. It's a non-decision. :)

4.) There is no medical reason to do it routinely.

5.) Circumcision isn't the majority for newborns anymore. According to theNew York Times, the infant circumcision rate is down to 32%. That means 68% of your son's locker room will likely have natural penises. If you circumcise, he will probably ask you why he's different from his buddies.

6.) Natural penises are easier to take care of during the diaper-changing years. Just wipe it like a finger. No retracting, no mess or fuss. Compare that to having to care for an open wound in a diaper.

7.) You wouldn't cut your baby girl's genitals. In fact, it's illegal - even a "nick" is illegal. Male circumcision is a lot more involved than a nick!

8.) Many doctors and nurses refuse to perform the procedure because it violates the Hippocratic Oath - First, Do No Harm.

9.) It hurts. A lot. Really. Don't believe me? Watch a video. With the sound up, please. If you can't watch the whole thing, can you really ask your newborn to go through it?

10.) Babies can't be properly anesthetized. An older child or adult would begiven anesthesia and strong pain medication after any kind of operation, especially one on their genitals. Babies can't have proper pain medication.

11.) Did you know? Infant circumcision rates are less than 10% in the following counties: England, France, Portugal, Italy, Ireland, Canada, Mexico, all of South and Central America, Japan, China, Russia, Sweden, Norway, Denmark, Luxembourg, Switzerland, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Hungary, Greece, Taiwan, Vietnam, India, Sri Lanka, New Zealand, Australia and more.

Infant circumcision rates are higher than 10% in the following countries: USA, Israel, Bangladesh, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Bahrain, Kuwait, Syria, Lebanon, Yemen, Qatar, Turkey, Jordan, Philippines, Indonesia, Nigeria, Cameroon, Chad, Republic of Congo, Eritrea, and Kenya.

12.) Men with natural penises are less likely to experience Erectile Dysfunction as they age. Translation - your son will be less likely to need Viagra when he's 55.

13.) Female sexual partners of men with natural penises are more likely to achieve orgasm during sexual intercourse. They are also less likely to need lubricant.

14.) There are over 20,000 nerve endings in the foreskin. That's more than in the female clitoris.

15.) The foreskin protects the head of the penis.

16.) The foreskin provides lubrication during sexual intercourse. Men with natural penises are less likely to use lubrication during sex or masturbation (hey, THAT's why my brothers were always stealing my conditioner! Mom would have saved a fortune on bathroom supplies by leaving them natural...)

17.) No major medical organization on earth recommends routine circumcision of infants.

18.) It's easy to clean when he's older. Shower. Besides, by the time his foreskin is retractable, (average age, 10.4 years old), you will no longer be cleaning his penis. I hope.

19.) Circumcision does not prevent AIDS, or any other STD. Condoms do. Having sex with one, monogamous partner and avoiding IV drug use prevents AIDS. Why would you assume your baby's going to be a man-whore anyway?

20.) We don't chop off ears to prevent ear infections. We don't remove baby toenails to prevent fungal infections. We don't cut off legs anymore when a wound becomes infected. In the very unlikely event your son does develop an infection, we have antibiotics.

21.) Circumcision in the US began as a method to discourage masturbation, advocated by Kellogg, the cereal magnate, who also believed in the importance of daily cold enemas. Really - true story!! He stressed that circumcision should be done without anesthesia so boys would remember the pain every time they wanted to masturbate. How'd that work out?

22.) Natural penises only "look funny" to you if they are unfamiliar to you. Your son's generation will see them as normal.

23.) Women produce far more smegma than men, but we don't cut off their baby girl labia to keep things "clean."

24.) Your son will respect you for leaving the decision up to him, and for respecting his right to genital integrity.

25.) Complications of circumcision are NOT rare. Check out this thread on Babycenter.com (a mommy board, not a circumcision website) to read their stories.

26.) Most hospital circumcisions are performed by Obstetricians and Gynecologists, whose specialty is female reproduction, not male.

27.) Circumcision is not usually performed in a sterile operating room, but in a dirty nursery or a side room in hospitals without nurseries.

28.) Circumcision makes money for doctors. A doctor who performs circumcisions makes an extra $20,000-160,000 per year on the operations. That's why they offer circumcision at hospitals - for cash. They'll ask you if you want your son circumcised multiple times at the hospital: they want the money.

29.) Less than 1% of intact men will ever "need" to be circumcised, just as the vast majority of women will never need a hysterectomy or mastectomy.

30.) Penile cancer causes 300 deaths a year, almost exclusively in men over the age of 70. Infant circumcision causes over 500 deaths a yearworldwide. Circumcision does not prevent penile cancer.

31.) Babies with natural penises are more likely to breastfeed successfully. Infant circumcision interferes with breastfeeding and hinders breastfeeding success. Isn't breastfeeding hard enough?

32.) Fathers don't spend time comparing penises with their sons. If your son does notice that his penis is different from Dad's (other than size and hair), you can simply explain that Daddy had an operation when he was a baby. My dad lost half of his ring finger in an accident, but I was never bothered by having all of my fingers.

33.) Your grandfather (or great-grandfather) probably wasn't circumcised, unless you are of Jewish or Muslim descent. It's a relatively new thing in the USA.

34.) Most circumcised penises have scars. If you've ever seen a circumcised penis, you have probably seen circumcision scars and didn't know what they were. Curious? Click here for pictures (adult eyes please, extremely graphic).

35.) When erect, natural penises don't look very different from circumcised ones (adult eyes please)

36.) Babies have died following complications of circumcision.

37.) Babies have had the glans (head) of their penis accidentally amputated during circumcision.

38.) Female circumcision was legal in the United States until 1996. It was practiced in the USA as recently as the 1979 to prevent masturbation.

39.) Your health insurance may not cover the procedure. Medicaid does not cover it in 16 states, and many major insurance companies also do not reimburse for the surgery, since it is cosmetic. If your insurance doesn't cover it, it probably also does not cover any complications.

40.) Babies are strapped down on a circumstraint to have the procedure done. That is the most unnatural, terrifying position for a baby, who previously was all curled up and safe inside Mama's body.

41.) If you believe in evolution, why are men born with foreskins? If you believe in God, why did he give men foreskins? Did they screw up?

42.) If you are Christian, your religion actually *forbids* circumcision. Your son's body is a temple, and Jesus was the sacrifice to end all sacrifices - including the foreskin. See this link for more info.

43.) If you are Jewish, you should know that there is considerable debate about the religious necessity of circumcision.

44.) If you do believe that your religion requires the sacrifice of the foreskin, your son can choose to sacrifice his foreskin in the name of religion when he is old enough to make the decision himself.

45.) The foreskin is fused to the head of an infant's penis, just like your fingernail is fused to your finger. Have you ever pulled back your fingernail all the way? Owwwwwwwwwwwww.

46.) Circumcision makes penises smaller. Who wants a smaller penis?

47.) "My partner should make the decision, he has a penis/she looks at penises" is a dumb reason to abdicate responsibility for a decision. You are your baby's parent, penis or not, and you have a responsibility to protect your child from harm. Victims of FGM (aka female circumcision) are the most vocal supporters and perpetrators of the abuse. Call on your inner Mama or Papa-bear and stand up for your baby's rights. Make your partner watch a video with the sound on and convince YOU why they want this done to their precious child.

48.) You have seen an uncircumcised penis, and you probably didn't even notice. Take a look below at the (safe for kids) picture!

49.) He'll be in good company. Check out this (in my opinion, mouth-watering) gallery of famous intact men! From Elvis, James Dean, Will Smith, Leonardo DiCaprio, Jude Law and sooo many others.

50.) It's his. I know, I said it already. but it's really the first and last reason - and perhaps the only one you really need. It's his body, and unless medically necessary, it should be his choice. You wouldn't give him a nose job without his permission, you wouldn't tattoo your infant. This is the same thing. If you really look at your motives, why would you want to take the risks? Leave the decision where it belongs - in your son's hands.

My breastfeeding experience with Koebe.

I always knew that I would breastfeed my children. I knew it from the time I was 13 and my mother had my little brother Milo. I always knew I was breastfed and so was my brother but when Milo was born I saw it firsthand. When I got older and before Scott and I planned Koebe we both knew I would breastfed. I knew there was the formula option and it never sat right with me and I always thought it was gross when I worked in daycares. It smelled and those babies that were formula fed were never as healthy.

When I got pregnant with Koebe I didn't research anything about breastfeeding. As you can gather from his birth story I didn't look into much. In my mind I thought you put your breast in the baby's mouth and nursing just happened. I was one of the first of my friends to have babies and my only other friend with a kid quit breastfeeding cause her baby had reflux. (which is NEVER a reason to quit as formula just makes it worse....) anyone I had no resources or support outside of my Mom, grandma, aunt and of course Scott. I had no idea where to turn if I had issues and I thought that a nurse and doctor could be my help. I was so wrong.

After I gave birth I knew I wanted to nurse Koebe as soon as possible. I nursed him as soon as they would let me. I put my nipple in his mouth the way I was instructed and he didn't know what to do. He had a medicated birth and I was tense with people watching and I didn't know what I was doing. I expected it to just work. Within a few minutes I got him to nurse. he went for a few minutes then they transferred us to our room. While in the hospital I did as they said. nurse 10-15 min on one side and then switch. I did this every 2 hours. I didn't do skin to skin time, I didn't nurse on demand, I didn't get to co-sleep and I used the nursery. I was miserable. I hurt and it was all around a awful experience.

                                              Nursing Koebe in the Hospital


The night before we went home, they took my baby in the night and circumcised him. ( I will not explain this choice at this point just know I have the most regret a mother could have about this and will be addressed in a later post)

When we went home I nursed Koebe every 2 hours and woke him up every 3-4 hours at night to nurse him. he would scream and fight me every time I got him in the football hold. My baby was refusing me. It wasn't until months and months later that I realized why. He was in pain. His penis was hurt. Sometimes he just wanted to sleep so I did as I was told and stripped him down and woke him up even more and messed with him to wake him enough to eat.


On day 2 I took Koebe to his pediatrician Dr. Al-durrah. (When I interviewed her she said she breastfed her children for about a month and then couldn't any longer) At Koebe's appt they pricked his heal to check his belirubin (sp?). The doctor said that it was high and that he had mild breastmilk jaundice. She suggested I give him some formula in a bottle until my milk comes in (BOOBIE TRAP). I told her NO WAY! my baby is not getting formula. She suggested I pump and give him some in a bottle so I could flush his system. Against all my gut feelings I did. On the third day my milk came in.

Scott got out the breast pump one night so that I could give that a try so I could store up some milk. I didn't want to touch the thing it was intimidating. He read the instructions boiled it all and showed me how to use it. Most of this time was a blur. On the third day my milk came in. I was sleep deprived and pretty depressed about nursing and anything going on. I would cry and throw a fit over silly things and poor Scott dealt with my crazy hormone induced emotions. Nursing continued this way for about a week. My baby fought me when I was trying to give him the best thing in the world that he could he. he was denying me as him mommy.

One day I was crying about spilt milk or something else just as ridiculous and Scott said "babe, why don't you just pump and give it to him in a bottle and see if he takes it and maybe he won't fight you" THIS CONVERSATION STILL HAUNTS ME 19 MONTHS LATER. As much as I didn't want to do this I felt like I didn't know what else to do. I did it. I gave my baby his first bottle. Then it was all ok. my baby ate, I pumped and it was what I thought was easier. I however would not allow Scott to feed him. I am the mommy, I make the milk and it's MY job to feed our child. One of the times I was pissed off at Scott again with my crazy mommy hormones and it was time for Koebe to eat and he gave him a bottle of breastmilk. I was furious and cried. It was my job. for the next week I nursed and gave him a bottle. sometimes it was just easier to give him a bottle so I started nursing him less and pumping more cause he didn't fight the bottle. I didn't have to hold him in a way that hurt him and I didn't have to have him fight me.

I was running errands with my grandma and told her I was thinking about just pumping. She said NO. call the La Leche League and talk to them. I never did. I did finally call a LC at the hospital and she didn't call me back. I had made up my mind. I couldn't bare him refusing me. I know I had some PPD and that was effecting it and making it worse. I started to nurse less and less and then it got to the point where I would hardly do it at all. pumping was working and he was getting breastmilk and I made that ok in my mind. The last time I remember nursing him and not having a huge problem was when Scotts parents visited around valentine's day. I remember going up to pump and I took Koebe and just tried for the hell of it. and he did. Foresight is 20/20. I should have stopped pumping and worked hard at getting him back to the breast. I should have listened to my grandma and my mom when they said just keep working with him.

In April 2010 I went to the natural living expo. Scott had been nagging me to go to the chiropractor for months and I wanted to but didn't make it a high priority. After all if someone "fixed" me I wouldn't be needing those amazing back massages nightly. Walking though the expo we stopped and talked to a chiropractor. They were doing a special and they would have my first appt be 45$. I signed up and made an appt. at Yost Family Chiropractic. At my first about we did the initial exam and talked about my nursing and Dr. Heather Yost told me I should try and get him to nurse and it is possible. I tried and he refused of course. Dr. Heather does mommy and me meet ups and I went to my first one. She talked about healthier options for raising children. She talked about introducing food, allergies, ADD, autism and other like things. She had all her books out for us to look at and she recommended one on vaccines and one called "smart medicine for a healthier child". I went home to half.com and I ordered several that she recommended. I don't think it was just by chance that I stumbled upon this Doctor at the expo. Dr. Heather Yost has cared so much about her patients to inform them or lead them to inform themselves and has truly changed my life. The local LLL Natalie was also a huge help when I was going through all of this. This may seem a little off topic from nursing but it has everything to do with it. They had always supported me nursing or pumping and has offered me every resource to help me get Koebe back to the breast. I think if I would have given it my all from the moment they suggested things I would be nursing right now. BUT, you think at the time the world is impossible and it's too late.

I tried everything to get Koebe back to the breast but it was just too late I think. I tried the SNS, I tried having a friend nurse Koebe and I tried nursing her son and Koebe didn't care. I nursed my niece in front of him and more times than I can count I nursed friends babies for them so they could leave their baby and Koebe never cared. I tried lots of skin to skin and recreating the birth experience for him. I always said I tried everything but starving him and then at about 9 months I tried that. We went 26 hours with no bottle and nothing but water in a cup and a couple black beans. I was told by several respected chiropractors that in 72 hours (or was it 48) that any baby would start to nurse. I did get him to come to be to get milk but he saw the nipple and then didn't want to any more. I got him to nurse with a bottle nipple over mine. I went to Dr. Heathers and she tried nursing him and it was not working. We went to bed that night and when Koebe woke up hungry at 2am I bawled and went down and thawed him the biggest bottle he ever drank. I cried and told him how sorry I was. I was sorry that I quit nursing him and I am sorry for how hard I tried to get him to nurse again. That was my last go around.

                               Koebe 9 months old coming to my breast for milk


With the help of several moms and Eats On Feet and Human Milk 4 Human Babies I continued to pump and supplement with donor milk for 16 and a half months. For about 6 months on I had struggled with supply. I drank tons of water, ate oatmeal, took fenugreek, blessed thistle, stinging nettles, nursing support capsules, nursing concoctions, dark beer, you name it I tried it. I did positive affirmation, everything. My supply was so up and down and stressing me out. Finally at 16 months my supply took another hit. I was getting 1.5 oz out of each side in the mornings. when I should have gotten at least 3 at this point which too was pretty pitiful. For a few days I told Scott the end was near. I couldn't keep doing this. I did more than most moms ever had when I came to nursing and gave my baby breastmilk longer than 90% of American mothers. Soon after I quit pumping. I told Scott "TAKE THAT FUCKING THING DOWNSTAIRS AND PUT IT IN THE FARTHEST CORNER YOU CAN FIND!" I was proud of myself for making it that long and I was finally done.

I haven't pumped in almost 3 months and I still sometimes find myself wondering when I pumped last or having the sudden thought "oh crap I need to pump". My son at 19 months now still gets breastmilk. towards the end of me pumping I was freezing most of what I made and also paying it forward by donating to friends who needed it. But I saved some for me. I also have some donor milk that I still use.

After 16 months of pumping while driving, pumping in airport bathrooms, GOING THROUGH # BREATPUMPS COSTING 280$ EACH, pumping in a secluded room, pumping every 2 hours, thinking about pumping 24 hrs a day. I was done. Come to find out my final supply drop was because WE ARE PREGNANT! I am not 16 weeks along and sooooo looking forward to nursing and to continue to pump so Koebe can get breastmilk long after my frozen milk runs out. I hope with everything I have that he will want to nurse when he sees him new baby doing it too. He knows where milk comes from and he would even come over and let me squirt it in his mouth. even still he comes over to me in the morning and signals "more" at my nipple cause he wants some but all that's left is colostrum and he will just have to wait.

So that is how nursing was for me and how it never will be again. People wonder why I am so passionate about breastmilk well it's because I went to hell and back so that I could do what's best for my son and I think that everyone else should be doing the best for theirs. There is no doubt that Breast is and will always be best.

***MY SON HAS NEVER EVER RECIEVED A DROP OF FORMULA! :)***

Koebe's Birth Story.

When I was pregnant with Koebe is was pretty darn "mainstream". I knew how to eat healthy and had a very healthy influence in my life but fact is I was like any other American. I ate fast food, and sweets like they  were going out of style when I was pregnant. I think I made Koebe with Burger King original chicken sandwiches and brownies. That being said looking back I am ashamed of the way I acted.

For my pregnancy care I went through a Ob. I always liked the Ob I saw and then she was rude a few times and liked some of the others in the practice but I ALWAY hated the front desk staff and the lady who dealt with insurance. I had tons of troubles with insurance during my pregnancy. I got dropped and added daily if that is even possible. By about 20 weeks I was getting worried and went to get Title 19 as a back up because I was worried about having a 12k hospital bill because of my insurance's negligence.

My pregnancy went great. I never had morning sickness and I felt pretty good. I had lots of back ache during the end ( thankful scott rubbed my back and feet every night) and the normal round ligament pain that I thought for sure was something awful happening. I called the Doc at any ache and pain like most first time mothers. We decorated the nursery and bought the 600$ pottery barn crib and changing table and dresser to match. We painted a sail boat mural on the wall and I sat in there imagining my baby sleeping in there. (he never has til this day) That what about all the childbirth planning that I did.

When I was 38 weeks I was going into the doctor weekly by then as I was nearing the end of my pregnancy and for some reason that meant more doctor visits. I had been in the hospital a week prior to get monitored and every time I went in I was hoping for a u/s to see my sweet boy. I wasn't complaining I loved going in and hearing I was close and 3 cm dilated and all that Jazz.

So getting to the good stuff, it was January 21st. A Friday. I went in to the Ob to have my 38 week appt and check dilation and everything. I had urine tested and it came back that I had some protein and they checked my blood pressure which was a little high. They checked dilation and I was a 1 or a 3... hell that doesn't matter. They ended up sending me over to the hospital to get my BP monitored. I was there for about an hour and then the doctor came in and said she would just like to induce me. I was full term and she didn't want anything to escalate. So I freaked out cause I wanted them to wait to do anything until Scott went home and got our hospital bags. She said she would get me checked in and break my water and he would be back before anything happened so I let him go home.

They took me to my room, did my IV and broke my water with a plastic hook. It hurt like heck! Scott came back and we waited. I was handling my contractions and breathing through them. We put on "I Love Lucy" and I tried to watch it but was really distracted and nervous for what was going to happen. My cousin Christen stopped up to say hi. She was already at the hospital visiting her other cousin who just had a baby that day. My mom and Doug also stopped up quick to say HI.

The doctor came in and gave me the antibiotics for the group B strep. The antibiotics BURNED going through my veins. Not much later the nurse came in and started me on pitocin. After that I could no longer handle the contractions. I got some pain meds. I'm not sure if it helped because soon after they asked me for a epidural and I took it. Going into it I thought I would only get it if I needed it and knowing that option was there I caved when they asked. After the Epi I felt no pain. I went hours without any pain or discomfort. I tried to sleep and tried to watch "I love Lucy" and then I sat there and watched Scott nap. Lots of waiting. It's funny cause first time mothers worry about getting to the hospital in time and what not and they don't realize that it's a process that *normally* doesn't happen instantly.

After a few hours the epidural was starting to really annoy the heck out of me. I was starting to feel my contractions but in a crampy form in the leg/butt area. It was really weird! I also felt a little nauseous a few times and didn't like having to rotate because I was comfortable until they made me move. Still after being switched around I felt the ache in my left butt/thigh. and on top of it I was STARVING! I asked for food and of course got none. I told the lady I would pass out if I didn't get food and they agreed to some chicken broth.

Nurse came in and checked my dilation. I was a 10. The magic number 10cm. Time to push. The first few pushes we fine. Not much happening not painful. What was painful was people telling me when to push and listening to the 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 over and over and over. When his head came down and I was working on delivering his head is when it started to hurt. The nurse kept telling me how good of a pusher I was. I asked how long people normally push and she said some 20 min and some hours. I was not going to push for hours! I was going to get that baby! I Felt the burn and kept pushing cause I wanted it all to stop. After his head pushed through it was a huge relief. on the next push the rest of him came out. I pushed for a total of 45 minutes.

Koebe Ray Rebel Farrel was brought earth side at 3:45 on January 22nd, 2010. When he was born they set him on my tummy and I got to have my first look at him. He looked just like Scott. They then quickly cut the cord and took him over to the infant area where they wiped him off and suctioned him and got him all bundled up.

As Koebe was getting weight and foot prints done I was getting a small tear sewn up. after all that I told them I wanted to nurse him. It was very important to me that this be done as soon as possible. He did not latch on right away and I had to listen to this lady tell me hold your boob like a "sub" sandwich... blah blah blah. Finally I got him to latch on and he ate for a little bit.

All was well and then I wanted to get up and use the bathroom. I'm not sure but that may have been more painful then pushing out his little head. It burned very bad and my tear stung. This is the main thing I remember about after birth. I did not leave my bed unless I had to shower or use the restroom and every time I dreaded it because it hurt so bad to pee. I remember this for at least a week after we were home and I think it was close to 2.

Looking back now there is nothing about this birth that I would have done the same. or pregnancy for that matter. #1 I would have looking more closely at child birth and my options. #2 I would have never gotten induced unless they proved to me I really did have pre eclampsia #3 NO PITOCIN NO EPIDURAL... I could go on for days about everything I did wrong but when you know better you do better and my next birth story will be 110% different from this one. Sorry Koebe. I feel like I let you down. I am thankful you are such a happy and healthy boy. The guilt would be overwhelming had this not been the case. You may have had a unhealthy start but at 18 months you are such a handsome,happy, healthy (only been sick ONE TIME) little man!